Pricey Annie: I’m 74 years previous. Again in my 40s, I attempted studying an up-and-coming new talent: use a pc. Nicely, my makes an attempt have been fruitless. I might by no means determine it out. My spouse tried educating me, however I simply couldn’t get the hold of it. Later, my boss appointed a employees member (a pc “geek”) to provide me classes. After weeks of making an attempt with every day one-on-one instruction, he gave up making an attempt to show me. For me, it was nothing however frustration.
I appear to be an in any other case clever particular person. Fifty-three years in the past, I even graduated faculty with honors. I did nicely with networking and maintaining with the most recent information, till computer systems turned ubiquitous.
I do know dyslexia is a acknowledged studying incapacity that impacts in any other case clever individuals who can’t study to learn. Do I’ve one thing like that — one thing that may be a acknowledged studying incapacity? Am I the one one on this planet with this drawback? — In a Quagmire
Pricey Quagmire: I’ve a sense there are different folks on the market who’ve handled this drawback, and I hope to listen to from a few of them. Within the meantime, if that is inflicting you misery, ask your physician to refer you to a specialist who can display for cognitive disabilities.
For what it’s price, far too many people are overly depending on our computer systems and smartphones. I don’t imply to trivialize what you’ve gone via; I perceive that it’s been enormously irritating. However you’ve seemingly been extra current for all times than many people.
Pricey Annie: I’m a 57-year-old divorced girl. I’ve a 31-year-old son who’s coping with critical well being penalties from neglecting his Kind 1 diabetes for the previous 10 years. My coronary heart breaks for him. His well being retains declining. He must begin dialysis quickly. He’s lived with me for many of his grownup life.
My drawback is that he’s extraordinarily verbally abusive. This has been happening for about 5 years and appears to be getting worse. He throws tantrums, generally so intense that he finally ends up damaging issues in the home.
I’m bored with coping with this, and I worry it can simply preserve getting worse. He can’t afford to dwell on his personal with simply $800 month-to-month incapacity checks. I simply can’t take care of this anymore, however I can’t afford to pay lease at an entire separate condo for him.
Is it fallacious for me to professionally convert my two-car storage to an condo for him and make him dwell there? — Worn-Down Mother
Pricey Worn-Down: For those who’re asking whether or not it’s egocentric of you to transform your storage into an condo on your son — no, completely not. Nevertheless it is perhaps “fallacious” for various causes, in that it doesn’t go far sufficient in creating house between you two.
You have to set wholesome boundaries together with your son, for each of your sakes. It’s fully unacceptable for him to deal with you so poorly. Additionally, it’s not wholesome for him to be in an atmosphere the place he can keep away from the implications of his actions. As psychologist Noelle Nelson put it: “Enabling helps an individual in a approach that feeds the dysfunction. Serving to is being there for somebody in a approach that doesn’t help the dysfunction.” I like to recommend studying Melody Beattie’s “Codependent No Extra” and attending some conferences of a help group resembling Households Nameless earlier than deciding in your subsequent transfer.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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